Welcome

Hello and welcome to my very first blog post. I have been anxious to begin this for a while now so I am excited that it’s finally coming into fruition.  I will share tips, tools, techniques, events, stories, and real life experiences on how to accept and be okay with a ‘real’ life, and of course make it a healthy & happy life. 

 

This very first blog is going to be an intro as to who I am and why I became a life coach. As well as address some questions that might be at the forefront of your mind. Things like, what is a life coach and what do they do? Could I benefit from having a life coach? And what is the difference between coaching and therapy?

 

So, who am I? I go by Jen, Jenny, or Jennifer. I was born in the late 70s and grew up mostly in Waukesha, WI with one older brother.  I was in the time of the infamous Cabbage Patch Kids, Garbage Pail cards, Michael Jackson, charm bracelets, Rainbow Brite, Jem, Pound Puppies and so much more. I ran around following my older brother, learning and watching so I could be just like him. As you guessed it, that didn’t last long. Later, we fought like cats and dogs.

 

I was raised by my beautiful, courageous, loving, yet wild and crazy mom and a dad I hardly remember seeing or having any emotional connection to. My relationship with my father did change as I got older. We lived in a small white house in Waukesha, off of Washington Ave. My dad was in education and my mom worked from home doing sculpture for Accents. I loved playing with my dolls, inside having tea parties, and outside on the swingset. I remember giving those dolls baths outside on the deck, and splashing in the water, while watching my mom hang up clean wet clothes on the line. I would look up and see my mom appear and disappear from behind the sheets as the wind blew. I would run to her with my arms outstretched, feeling the coolness of the damp clothes on the line. I remember clearly how beautiful I thought my mom was. She was so loving, and always told me that I was her entire world. 

 

I played matchbox cars with my brother in the dirt in the sun, and in the mud after rain. And I spent as much time as I could with my best friend who lived a few doors down from me.  I remember long hot walks being pulled by my mom in a red metal wagon that would burn your skin in the summer. She would pull my brother and I to the Red Owl for groceries, which meant the grueling sun beating down on us as we pulled the heavy grocery filled wagon back home. We didn’t have a second vehicle, so of course that also meant freezing cold walks to the grocery store in the winter as well. But I didn’t mind. That was all I knew. 

 

My childhood was not just full of sunshine and rainbows. Yes, I remember good times from the days of being a little girl; lots of laughter and playing and confiding in my best friend. But I also remember many horrific instances of hiding, being scared, listening to screaming and fighting, and lots of tears. Oh so many tears. I saw things that no child should ever have to experience. As I grew up, our family tore in two. After long confusing court cases, and lots of questioning from strangers, my brother and I went to live with my father and new young step mom. Now being a part of a divorced family, I experienced two completely different households, both with step parents, which eventually brought new half siblings into the mix. With one family, we had lots of incredible experiences, but lived with excessively strict rules, requirements, and demands on my brother and I. The other family was all about enjoying life and not worrying about anything or anyone else. But with that, the parties, the drinking, the drugs, and the wild life continued to bring violence, fear, beatings, and that scared feeling I wish on no kid ever.

 

All of that and so much more, created me. A tiny, young, fragile, strawberry blonde girl, who was obsessed with earning the approval and love of everyone around her. A girl who felt I had no other option than to be the best, make everyone proud, and never, ever fail. I clung to everyone, hugging and loving on them as I needed that shown back to me. I learned to stop complaining about my stomachaches, my headaches, my shakiness, my fast beating heart, my indigestion, and the pain I felt daily. Living like that. Experiencing the things I did. Hearing and seeing what went on, shaped me into a teenager that was so scared to do anything wrong or upset anyone around me. But of course being a teenager means searching and figuring out who I really was. 

 

First I went the route of the do-gooder, always following directions, getting straight A’s, playing sports and being popular. As I got older, I then dabbled on the other side, trying out what was shown to me from my days living with my wild, party loving mom. I put myself in way too many dangerous situations. I involved myself with horrible men. I spent nights in scary, dark basements with groups of older people I didn’t know and didn’t care to know. I saw so many awful things. Hatred. Violence. Drugs. Abuse of all kinds. You name it, I saw it. The strange thing was that none of it ever intrigued me. None of it excited me. I wasn’t there because I like that lifestyle. My whole thought process was to do whatever the one I was with, needed and wanted me to do. I took care of them and loved them, and treated them the best way I could, all in hopes for them to love me back. To cherish me and need me. 

 

Being so torn as to what was honestly ‘good’ or ‘fun’ in life, I continued to dabble on both sides of the coin. I went to college. Continued my straight A’s. And searched out new experiences, hoping for clarification to what was actually important in life. And of course I was still searching for that feeling of being needed and loved. It wasn’t until becoming an adult that I saw more clearly the ‘good’ behavior and ‘bad’ behavior of the different lifestyles. I met a man who showed me true kindness. A man that opened my eyes to the possibility of having someone love and take care of me, not just me loving and taking care of them. That man became my husband. With him by my side, I finished college and became an elementary teacher, to help others of course, the kids and the parents. I absolutely loved it. 

 

Then my own beautiful children came into the picture. And once again, I felt the overwhelming desire for love; to give love and to receive love. The path I had chosen in life was turning out pretty incredible. At this point though, I still never really dealt with my past. I chose to forget much of it, to block out so many of the horrible experiences. I wanted to just keep my eyes on the future. Life was so good, or so I thought. My oldest daughter then had a stroke at age 2. Life drastically changed at that moment. Yes, it’s true when they say trauma can either bring you closer in a relationship or tear you apart. I saw this possibility.  Thankfully, my husband and I grew closer and our relationship became stronger than ever.  Once the shock of the stroke, medical diagnosis, and what our new future involved had sunk in; my only thought was that God was punishing me for all the horrible things I involved myself in as a teenager. I know now, as a 45 year old woman, that was because of my lack of understanding of who God is.

 

Things continued to get harder and harder in life. More horrible, scary, life threatening medical situations kept coming up with my daughters as well as myself. I questioned who God was. What and why he was doing this to my family, to my kids. I pulled further and further away from Him. And things just got worse. Emotionally I had broken down. I found myself sitting in my truck at a stop light, alone, crying, gasping for air, thinking about letting my foot off the break, so that the semi truck coming fast on my left wouldn’t be able to stop in time. Or leaving the house for an errand and finding myself driving to nowhere. Literally, just driving. I wanted to leave. I wanted to escape. I felt like a complete failure as a mom, a wife, a friend. I didn’t want to get out of bed. Didn’t have the energy to shower. I had no patience. And so I just cried. I cried all the time. After years of this, God was brought back into my life. I don’t even remember how, or why, or what happened. I just know there was a ‘before’ I had a relationship with God and then an ‘after’ I had a relationship with God. Once I found faith, and began to dig deeper into it, things began to fall into place. Things started to click.  I became aware that the multitude of horrible experiences I had lived through, were actually lessons provided to me from Him. The good and the bad. This new understanding completely blew my mind. I began to look at every situation from the past, and the present in a different way. My life was changing once again, this time for the better.

 

Flash back again to when I was a child. From as early on as I can remember, so many people told me to write a book about my life. Friends from school, teachers, other people who knew my childhood. They all told me to share my experiences with the world to help others. I heard people say it, but it didn’t mean much until I was an adult and began my relationship with God. Now at that point, when people told me to write a book, and to help people, I understood. It made perfect sense. And I felt this pull to reach others and share ways to work past struggles in life. This is how and why I decided to become a life coach. All of a sudden things just started to happen. I did not start this. I did not initiate any sort of plan to become a life coach. But He guided me. He led me to where I am today. As soon as I began creating my coaching program I was sucked in. It felt so good, so right to be doing this. I had no doubts. I questioned nothing. I just continued to follow Him.

So here I am today, as a faith based life coach, helping others make positive and significant changes in the quality of their life. I am dedicated to teaching people how to live healthier and happier lives. I know this is where I am supposed to be! That reassurance gives such a sense of peace.

 

Now you might be asking, “well, what is a life coach?” The Miriam-Webster Dictionary defines a life coach as an advisor who helps people make decisions. Someone who helps others set and reach goals, and helps people deal with problems. A life coach is not a personal cheerleader. They are more like a personal guide. Basically, a life coach focuses on helping their clients achieve goals and learn overall self-improvement skills. Life coaches can help you improve your life in areas like productivity, time management, stress, prioritization, self-confidence, and communication skills. Coaches help you find balance, improve your mental clarity and emotional health, improve decision-making skills, and manage your burnout. They also help you find meaning in your life, learn healthy habits, and navigate change, uncertainty and the unknown. A study showed that 80% of people who work with a life coach improve their self-confidence. Coaching helps create a shift in your mindset allowing you to grow personally in life. Do any of those skills intrigue you? If you want to improve in one or more of the above areas, getting a Life Coach is the way to go.

 

Although, if you are really depressed or your anxiety is so bad you have a hard time going anywhere or doing anything, then therapy is where you need to begin. Therapists are mental health professionals who provide mental health care treatment. Therapists can diagnose and treat your mental health. Therapists often work alongside your medical team. Some therapists have degrees that allow them to prescribe medication for psychological and mental health conditions. Therapists analyze their client’s past as a tool for understanding present behaviors. In other words, therapists focus on “why” certain behavioral patterns occur, and coaches work on “how” to work toward a goal.

I hope that this first blog post intrigued you. I hope that you are looking forward to reading more, and learning more. As you follow along, you will be discovering different ways to accept the ‘real’ life you currently have, but know that you can change it, and make it become the happy and healthy life you deserve.